|
[14 Aug 2008|06:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 always |
] |
Going to Hamilton this weekend to look at apartments.
I'm so excited I can barely concentrate on anything.
Leaving Windsor has been my goal since I was like 4 years old.
It's gone to hell in a handbasket. [terrible cliche alert!]
There was no way I was going to raise Gavin in this shithole.
I've started with the compulsive exercising again.
My husband looks at me like I'm a freak most of the time
So I've started hiding it again.
Tell him I'm showering, turn on the shower, work out in there.
Whatever the steam helps me breath better anyways.
I'm also addicted to laxatives again.
Which I swore to myself I would never do again.
Its really aggravating the hernia I have from fucking purging.
Ugh my body is a mess and I have no one to blame but myself.
The worst part is that its worth it.
|
|
|
[08 Aug 2008|05:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cranky |
] |
I'm tired of being nice to people in these fucking ED communities when they piss me off
out of fear of being banned.
Why do I give a fuck anyways?
I'm just here to maybe make some friends that are like me
and maybe support someone in their struggle and hopefully make a difference.
I don't have the energy to be fake or bite my (internet) tongue anymore.
|
|
|
[08 Aug 2008|07:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
102
|
|
|
[07 Aug 2008|05:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i'm way too fucking sensitive |
] |
Finally down to 104 lbs.
That means my BMI is officially 'underweight'again
which matters to me more than I ever realised before
I took it forgranted, being under 100 lbs for the last 3 years at least.
But I can't even enjoy my 'victory'
because the newest results from guessmyweight are in
and one (very mean) girl said 130.
Besides being at the very end of my pregnancy
I have never been 130 lbs.
They said it's hard to tell without a side view.
Well here's your fucking sideview
Pregnancy changed my body a lot more than I expected.
I hate myself for caring.
But as much as I love my son
It's hard to let go of the only thing I've ever really had
the only think i've ever really known.
Especially now, I'll be moving to a new city.
I just want to shrink away, stay home with my son.
How can you want to die but so desperate to just LIVE at the same time?
|
|
| Shit. |
[20 Nov 2007|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Jesus Christ |
] |
I'm pregnant.
<3
|
|
| I took my seat and stared ... |
[18 Oct 2007|02:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
at tempo 119 - SSPU |
] |
I don't know how much more work I can miss.
This is the best job I've ever had, and I can't afford to lose it.
But they are starting to ask for sick notes ... they know about my anxiety ...
I know all the managers love me
(one of the perks to dating the only male one out of the five)
but HR is harassing them about being consistent.
Chris told me that they notice the weight loss, and there has been question about why I'm "sick" all the time.
I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and not call it sick anymore
I just hope I hope don't throw up blood again because last time I almost broke down.
America's Next Top Model was on last night, the highlight of my week.
Janet got kicked off.
I really liked her personality, but as a model I just didnt see it.
Plus her voice was REALLY starting to annoy me.
I feel so disgusting lately.
I need some new pictures.
I started taking green tea pills in place of caffeine pills,
I wonder if I will notice a difference.
Only time will tell I guess, but I am so god damn impatient.
Chris will be home soon, and then it's off to the vet with Paisley.
I can't wait to find out how many babies she's having.
More later.
<3 Autumn
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
letmewasteaway's journal
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
